Have you ever had a similar experience: when you are down, your friends or family are comforting you, but you feel that those words are distant and irrelevant; or when others are sad, you feel At a loss? You don't know how to say what I care about.

Many times, people do not know how to express their concern, or after expressing their concern, they find that it is not what the other party wants. You often feel that you are not really understood.

What kind of care can really make the other person feel understood and loved?

1. Have the courage to express concern and express hope that the other person will be happy.

If you are not a master yet and don't know how to express it with actions, then it is most direct to express it with words first. You can even ask directly what the other person wants. Come, do you want us to accompany you to scold the boss or enlighten you? Then expressing companionship and comfort is good, and this is almost the case for beginners.

2. Be aware of the other person’s emotional needs

Everyone is eager to share when they are happy, to understand when they are frustrated, to talk to others when they are lonely, and to express support when they are difficult.

3. Give the other person space. If you care about the other person, you have to take care of him all the time, and give them everything you want. It's not a concern, it's an oppression. Sometimes people just want to be alone, so don't bother them all the time. Don't give thoughtful consideration, give the other person what they want is the real concern, not just pay, but also understand what he wants.

Here is a recommended book for everyone: "Nonviolent Communication"

Nonviolent Communication emphasizes to readers the importance of listening. Suggestions, reassurance, sympathy, recall, etc., which seem to respond to the narrator's words, can actually hinder communication because it is more like diagnosing people than listen. What you need to do is to let go of your existing thoughts and judgments and focus on empathizing with others.

Sometimes, other people's expressions are not so friendly, and they may be blamed or even scolded. "Nonviolent Communication" recommends that you pay attention to the observations, feelings, requests, and needs to be contained in it, rather than being swayed by emotions.

Go beyond what other people think of you and pay attention to other people's needs, and you will find that he is unhappy simply because his needs are not being met. After listening to the observations, feelings, needs, and requests of others, you can give feedback to others, remind them, and judge whether you have accurately grasped the meaning of others.